Day 1

As always I feel tired waking up today. Crystal didnt gave much problem last night but as always I have to wake up every now and then to check her. It's diffinitely not easy to be a mom but this is what I chose, no turning back. Though I have family to help me I still feel alone in my journey. Everyday I'm trying to be a good mom, and try to keep myself intact even if I'm shattered inside.

There's onew person I came across over the internet that made me see myself again. She was in a relationship to someone not capable of marrying her. The guy is very much married asnd not legally separated. They look so happy together though I know their parents are trying to separate them. I can't help but ask myself, are they doing right? Probably it is right for them to fight what they feel. It's not everyday we'll find someone who can make us smile. I know I'm as strong but too bad my man wasn't fighting for me. The love I have given him wasn't reciprocated. I turn against my parents will, what my religion and culture been practising coz I believe I was right. I have given enough but now I can't help but wish I could have given it to someone deserving. Someone who knows how to appreciate and love. Not love me for what he finds in me but love me for who I am. I still feel hurt thinking about it. In my own world, I see myself so alone,crying and empty. I've left nothing for myself, I've given my all.

for now I just *sighhhhhh...but with much hope in my heart that someday I'll find my place on earth. Where baby and I wont have fears anymore, we'll have someone to hug us every morning and assures us that together we'll go through life no matter what. For me to be strong I just have to remind myself the " I'M A NANAY NOW!" " I'M A NANAY NOW!" " CRYSTAL'S NANAY JENN"