Time Heals

I still feel so down today. My nephews somehow paints smile on my lips when I woke up this morning. My Nanay greeted me with a smile and said " Is my baby feeling better?". That made me smile twice. Am I still my mom's baby even if I'm already 30? so funny yet cute.

How can I commit suicide if I am supported this much? If I don't value my life I have my family treating me like a precious treasure. Every time a tear fell from my eyes I have a 7 years old nephew who gives me comfort and ask " Tita are you alright? don't be angry coz men don't like angry woman" I'm wondering where he gets those idea. He's an amazing little boy, who cuddles, kiss, hug and comfort me when I'm sad.

I was at the couch and my nephew sit on my lap. I feel guilty for treating him like a sponge. I told him everything I feel and he was just there listening. I ask him if he's gonna take good care of me when I grow old alone. He said " You can stay at my house Tita and I'll take good care of you"...Then I stopped being too emotional it might have negative effect on him.

I went to work looking so haggard. I don't know how I look but an officemate approached me an asked " Why are you sad?" ..No matter how hard I try my inner feelings show. I just grin and said " Just tired".

Good thing pancho went online..Though he's been annoying before, chatting with him made me feel a bit better. Now I don't know what lies ahead but I know I'll get back my smile again. Jesse had me at my best and he's leaving me at my worst. I just wish we end up together and he love me the way I've loved him. I thought I've found my Mr. Right coz being with him really feel so right. I dream of quitting my work here then live with him in the states. We'll grow old together and together we'll face life's challenges. But he prefers to leave and find someone else he thinks best for him. What can i do but accept fate. I'll watch him fades away while am here waiting 'till this loving feeling will drift away. The best nights and days was spent with Jesse. Although it's still painful to think about it but it's the only thing left for me. When this loving feeling is gone it would be the only time that I'm already free.

For now I still love him so much but there's nothing I can do. If I'll get hurt tomorrow I'll just get hurt today..


Anyways life goes on.....